• Ben

DTR part 1 - appreciations

Part one of the temperature reading is about giving appreciations. Taking time to appreciate each other is a great way to remind ourselves just how much we do appreciate our partner for all that they do or just some of their wonderful qualities. During this part of the process be aware of how you receive the appreciation, whether you allow it to sink in or if you deflect it in some way.




An appreciation is an opportunity to thank or acknowledge your partner for something that you appreciate and value about what he/she has done or said. Be precise and honest. For example, “I appreciate all the effort you put into making a really wonderful, delicious dinner last night, especially that you cooked things you knew that I would love,” or “I appreciate the text messages and pictures you’ve been sending me during the day to connect with me!“ No matter what stage or situation your relationship is in, even (perhaps especially) during periods of stress, crisis, change, or uncertainty, we can always find something to genuinely appreciate in another person, however small.


Be specific

Take turns appreciating each other, sincerely and specifically. Be specific. An appreciation isn't simply saying, “You’re a great mother,” or “I appreciate that you’re kind and caring,” or slipping in requests, such as, “I’d appreciate you calling me next time you’re going to be late,” or “I appreciate you remembering to take out the trash, tomorrow.”.


Be concise

If an appreciation ends up being a long paragraph, it's going to be harder for the recipient to follow and understand exactly what they're being appreciated for! Keep you appreciation concise so it's easy to follow.


What do I say as a recipient?

So, usually within the DTR, the recipient wouldn't say anything. In this part, it's perfectly OK just to thank the other person for the appreciation. Don't be tempted to say anything else!

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