• Ben

DTR part 3 - puzzles

What are you wondering about that’s connected to the person you are doing the DTR with? What assumptions are you making that you haven’t checked out that could be affecting your own attitude, beliefs or actions? Puzzles is your chance to ask questions about anything you’re wondering about. It doesn’t mean you’ll get answers, or that you’ll necessarily like the answers you get, but it’s an important step to make sure you’re not making and acting upon inaccurate assumptions. After you share a puzzle, the listener can respond with information to answer or shed additional light on your question. She/he doesn’t have to, it is a choice. He/she can let you know that they’ll give your question some thought and would like to talk about it later (and lets you know when that will be, maybe at the next DTR), or can simply thank you for asking and leave it at that.

Asking questions doesn’t require the listener to answer, but it does offer the opportunity. No matter what the issue, remember to stay grounded in goodwill, respect, empathy, and openness to learning. Some examples of puzzles

  • I notice you haven’t seemed very happy this week, I’m wondering what’s going on?"

  • I noticed you looking at new cars on the Internet. Are you thinking about buying a new car?"

  • Annie said she thought she saw you at the Bistro having lunch yesterday? Was that you? Who were you having lunch with?

  • Sam has asked us whether we'd like to go to the cinema with him next Saturday, Would you like to go?"

A reminder

Be aware of the temptation to mask a complaint in the form of a puzzle. "Why do you always leave the toilet seat up when you leave the bathroom?" is more of a complaint than a genuine puzzle. Complaints will be handled in the next part!

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